Abba, Zaina’s father, walked into her bedroom after he arrived from work with a disgusted and aggravated look on his face. “How come you have a 100 in English class but are failing physics Zaina? I see you always writing, always journaling, and always thinking of new rubbish to write every day. It's time you get your priorities straight and focus on subjects that really matter. Writing will get you nowhere, stop trying to be western.”

Zaina looked at her father with a look of sadness and concern. “Do you even pay attention to every honor and award I’ve received for my writing? If you didn’t know, I've won a National medal every year for every writing idea that I’ve submitted in that class. I don’t understand why you and Ammi want me to major in something I hate. Just let me write, please.”

“Bas Karo!” Yelled Ammi, Zaina’s mother, as she barged into the room after heavily eavesdropping. “I don’t understand why you can’t be like your other siblings and just major in something normal. Look at your Bhai, he didn’t want to do engineering, but he did it to live a better life. Going into writing will get you nowhere. A girl like you will be no one in that industry. Please stop, for the sake of your parents.”

As Ammi got up, she picked up the first finished story that Zaina actually felt confident while writing. Slowly, she tore each coarse, bulky page apart, ripping it into nothing but thin pieces. A painful tear fell down Zaina’s face as she watched all her hard work and dreams become nothing more than trash.

Zaina, now a twenty-one-year-old, just graduated from NYU with a master’s in rhetoric and writing. No, her parents don't support her writing career, and no, that didn't stop her from writing. She hoped by this time, she would be successful and all the people who didn't support her then would now be crawling back to her. But sadly, she's back at square one. She checked her notifications, which included a message from a publishing company. “We're sorry Zaina, but your piece did not ‘wow’ our team, and we regret to inform you that your piece will not be published with us.” As Zaina closed her phone, she felt defeated and considered admitting what her parents were telling her the entire time. She decided to call them on her way home to deliver the sad news and hope that they would comfort her instead of bash her.

“Ammi, the publishing deal didn’t work, I don't know what to do.” Zaina’s mother, Ammi, sighed on the other side of the phone as this was a monthly occurrence. “Beta, come home, your father is constantly sending you money to live in a city where you are no one. Just come home and quit this writing, it's over.” Zaina heard her mother's words, but they never settled into her head until now. She was right, there was nothing left to do here except keep getting rejected for the boring children's book she wrote. The truth was, Zaina had more interesting things to write about. She was just scared. Similar to how she was holding back to write about things she liked, she held back what she had to say to her mom and remained quiet. “I know, I’ll call you later Ammi, ok? Allah hafiz” Zaina decided that she would go to her friend's apartment and discuss the new idea she had, quitting writing.

“YOU CAN’T QUIT, ” screamed Mariam, Zaina’s childhood friend, and the only person who knew her better than Zaina knew herself. Zaina had just delivered the sad news to her best friend, but now she was starting to regret it. “There has to be something, ANYTHING we can do! Zaina, do you know how many people I told off just for your writing career? If you quit now it’ll be embarrassing for both of us.” “Of course, you think that way,” thought Zaina. Mariam tended to care too much about what other people think, the complete opposite of Zaina. “I don't know Mariam, I mean, I WANT to write about other things I just don’t know if they're enjoyable. I don't know if the world, especially New York City, wants to hear my story about a sad brown girl who grew up around a world of hatred.” Although Zaina always complained about how much Mariam cared about other people's opinions, she secretly was the same way too.

Zaina decided to listen to both parties, she knew she had a talent for writing but maybe her style was the problem. The truth was, Zaina had topics she wanted to write about. But what if that world wanted to learn about her sharp views, her well-thought-out opinions, and her intrusive, gigantic thoughts? A vibrant red journal, that gave Zaina a warm, nostalgic feeling, was sitting on Zaina’s small desk in her loft, filled with ideas for stories she dared not to write and publish, especially in New York. But, it was her last chance. If this did not work out, Zaina would officially let go of her dreams and live with her parents, having to accept the fact that her parents were right and she was a failure. She decided to pick up the journal and fix up the story that would either make her career or prove her failure to everyone she knew one more time.

Weeks went by filled with anxiety, long nights, and pure regret. Zaina sat at the same desk with almost permanent indentations on her hand from using a 0.5 mechanical pencil to write each individual letter, which seemed painful at the end. After two months, Zaina had finally finished the story. “Islam: Beauty or Anger?” read the title that Zaina shakingly submitted to the publishing company. She was so passionate about this topic but terrified of what people would think. As a young hijabi Muslim girl, Zaina was an expert on the topic and wanted to see if anyone else related to the views she had. By submitting this essay, not only was Zaina taking a leap of faith in her writing, but she was sharing something that she kept a secret for a long time. This book contained all of Zaina’s experiences, all of her controversial opinions about Islam, and all of the beautiful things she found in it that she hoped other people liked as well. “Bismillah,” Zaina whispered as she clicked the submission button. This was it.

A few months had passed since Zaina heard from the company. At this point, she had a feeling that nothing was going to come out of it. She decided to finally visit her parents and discussed the sad news that she would be quitting her lifelong dream. As Zaina drove towards her parent's house, her heart skipped a beat when she saw an incoming call from the publisher herself. Zaina took a few deep breaths and finally answered the phone. “Zaina, I want to start off by saying that I have no words. Your book is one of the best I read, nothing like anything you submitted before. The purpose of this call is to officially congratulate you on becoming an author. I wish you the best!” said the publisher. Zaina could not believe it. Who knew that her actual thoughts and opinions would be what made her an author? She ran into her house to tell her parents the good news, who were thrilled and stated that they knew she could do it. Zaina knew her parents were lying about their support for her, but nothing could ruin the moment. At this moment, Zaina realized how important it was for her to keep trying. What would have happened if she didn’t keep trying? She had saved herself from becoming a failure not only to her community but to herself. From this moment, Zaina knew that she had finally made it.

About the Author

Laila Iqbal is a current senior in high school who loves to write. Although she is majoring in nutrition and planning to become a doctor, she loves to write fiction short stories in her free time.